I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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