I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
