Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
