The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
