Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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