we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
