I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
