jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
