Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
