I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
