kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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