I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize