oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
