i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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