help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
