Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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