I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize