My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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