Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
