he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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