youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
