I'm drive I can fine osifer
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
