am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
