You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
