the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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