This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
