Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
