fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's blow job season.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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