dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
