Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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