I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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