If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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