I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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