Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize