If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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