i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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