I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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