So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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