i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sobbing to NWA
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
