Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
