you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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