just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
