I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
