My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
