If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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