i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
