dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
