we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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