You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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