What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Randomize
