Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for not boning my boss.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When did angry sex become our thing?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
