doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
