Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
