Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So vagazzling was a success
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
