standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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