omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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