I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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