dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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