I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
