forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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