So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
