I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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