They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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