a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
